More and then a pause…

More and then a pause…

So, I was doing well. And then I wasn’t.

I have never been one for whom running is a stress reliever. I hear a lot about people who feel like runs are spiritually centering or meditative or the like, but that’s just never been me. I mean, when I run I can disengage and listen to my music, but I can’t seem to turn the brain off and just let things be.

So, when things happen in life I tend to pick up old habits like wine and comfort food. And I crash hard into them.

Last week I faced a major setback in my career. Not only was it a setback, but it was also a pride-kicking, demoralizing, awful week. Not going into the nitty-gritty. Just going to sum it all up by saying I am taking some time off and evaluating what I want to do moving forward. So yeah. Stressballs. Big ones.

Up until that point, I was getting more regular with the short runs and whittling the time down a little each time plus feeling better and better as I did it. I signed up for two races, a 5K in March and a half marathon in May. My diet was on track. Everything was falling into place.

But then the events occurred last week and I spiraled with the sadness, anger, and stress and went back into my old patterns. I have been eating crap, drinking wine, and not running for about a week. My body feels like ick and I need to dig back out. And I will. But I also will not beat myself up for this. At other times in my life I would have setbacks like this and then just never start again because I felt hopeless.

Not this time. I am still excited about getting back into my running. I am still thrilled with dropping weight and being healthier. But I am giving myself the space to feel the feels and get through this. This Sunday is the Super Bowl. I am giving myself through the big game to work through all this, be sad, angry, and low-key.

When Monday rolls around, I will be done. Big girl panties will officially be on and I will get back into it. I have a BeachBody detox on the way, I have runs planned, I will pack my lunches, I will avoid wine. I will be back. I am confident in this. I may be a bit derailed, but not defeated!